Bringing Sexy Back

Raising a family is one of the most incredible and rewarding experiences a couple can go through together.

However, once a child is introduced into a relationship, romance and intimacy are often put on the back-burner.

Gone are the days of random romantic dinners, last-minute getaways, and lazy days cuddling on the couch watching a movie. But having children does not mean that romance must die, but you may need to change how you define it!

• Romance starts with kindness and caring.  Saying "I love you" to each other is important, but it's even more important to show it often with your behavior and actions.  Whether it means making that first cup of coffee in the morning for your husband or letting your wife sleep in after a 3 AM breastfeeding, these little things add up quickly and show your partner that you care.
• Couples will inevitably disagree at times and co-parenting together can often bring a difference of opinion. Just remember to treat each other kindly and with respect, especially during a disagreement or argument in front of your children.
• Compliment your partner and let him or her know that they are attractive to you. Give your partner other positive feedback beyond their looks, like when they do a great job with dinner, pick up groceries, take the dry cleaning in without asking, or manage to keep the house clean while watching the kids for a few hours.
• Dividing up responsibilities (chores, taking care of the children) gives you more time for each other. For example, one parent cooks dinner while the other does the dishes. One parent bathes the children while the other reads bedtime stories. Sharing responsibilities in a way that both parents find fair is more efficient and alleviates the possibility of resentment towards each other.
• Keep the kids on a bedtime schedule.  Take their bedtime as an opportunity to spend time with your partner. If the children are in bed by 9pm, take a few minutes to finish up any e-mails or personal things and then turn off the phone and computer. The chores can wait too- take that uninterrupted time to your advantage. Watch a TV show or movie together, play a board game, or just talk.
• Go to bed at the same time and try to avoid conflict and arguments before you go to sleep. Your bedroom should be a room for calm and peace; a sanctuary away from the busy life you and your partner lead during the day. Keep your bedroom free from distractions (no TV or computers!) and fill it with only pleasant conversation and intimacy.
• Don't fret over a dwindling sex-life. It's typical of long-term couples, and being intimate doesn't only mean sex. Being intimate also means rubbing your partner's shoulders after a long day, stroking their hair, holding hands, hugging, kissing, teasing each other and laughing, sending flirty texts or e-mails, or leaving sweet notes in a purse or briefcase. If you want to improve your sex life, show more affection. If you feel like you're not getting enough affection from your partner, speak up and share those feelings and desires.
• If you're having trouble feeling romantic towards your partner, look back to when you first started dating. What was your 1st, 2nd, or 5th date like for you? What kinds of feelings did you have when your first met? What attracted you to your partner? The longer the relationship and the more stresses applied to it (like children), the more complacent one becomes, so once in a while you may need to reconnect with what brought you together in the first place.

DATE NIGHT

Make "Date Night" happen regularly (even if it's not at night). Find a reliable babysitter and enjoy quality time together outside the house at least a few times a month.

IDEAS:

Going out for a nice dinner and movie (something you have not done in a while).

Fun and inexpensive activities: hiking, biking, and picnic at a park.

Take a dance class, yoga class or cooking class together.

Go bowling or ice skating.

Take in a live music show.

Sign-up for a community-college class together (something you can both enjoy, like pottery, philosophy, etc).

Find something new to share that you both enjoy and make sure you take turns with directing "date night".

SIMPLE WORDS TO FOLLOW:

Let your partner know regularly how much you appreciate them and everything they do for you.

Say "I love you" to each other. Don't forget!

Check in with one another often and see how things are going at work or home.  Though your children will always dominate the topic, try to stray away during your alone time.