Feb 17, 2005

Work. Love. Life.

Work. Home. Love. Life.
I'm going to quit my job in a couple of weeks. Haven't given my 2 weeks notice yet. I hate to leave it, but something has to give.
With working 3rd shift, my home life has gone from Yah! to Blah! My four year old daughter is acting out. Doing things that make me scream to myself more than 3 times a day. Feel like I'm going crazy. Then it feels like I'm neglecting the both of them, because I be so tired during the day. So I'm cranky and every little thing seems to irritate me. My husband is "stuck" doing alot of the housework, which I'm sure is driving him crazy. But I hate to say that now he knows how I felt when I was home and had to tend to the children, house, dinner, laundry, dishes, etc.

And to everyone, I feel like this huge disappointment. It feels like the three of them look at me, with the question on their mind: "why is she even here?"
Not even two years ago, I dealt with a bout of depression...as bad as suicidal thoughts. I fear going back to that black hole. My husband and I thought that working, being out of the house and around other adults, would help. But it only seemed to make a circle. Although working has done me some good (I've become more social and open), it's also putting a strain on my homelife. My lovelife. My life period.
So, I'm sacrificing a paycheck for harmony.

For every good thing, there is a bad.

1 comment:

wifey said...

hEY CK, i TRULY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL.Life may feel complicated now but you just have to balance eveything out .If you ever need an ear you know you can always find me on mv or yahoo.

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