Aug 2, 2010

Summer & The Cycle of Marriage

Friday morning I loaded the car and headed south on Interstate 95 with my daughters. The joy on their faces made the 10 hour trip with two hourlong traffic delays worth it. Although it took me seventy minutes to drive seven miles, I held on to my patience to get to Fayetteville. A bottle of 5 Hour Energy  ,three cans of Coca-Cola, and loud music were my trick. I usually do pretty good until the last 2-hour stretch of road in North Carolina.
It is becoming a summer tradition for the girls to visit their grandparents. This summer is their second year. They've looked forward to it all school year. At first I felt guilty because I was a little more excited for them to be going than I probably should be. lol I had a moment of "I'm a bad mommy" until I remembered that everyone will benefit from the time apart and together. Not only do I get to have extra time with my husband, but I can also do housework that I've been putting off because I've had other things to take of with the children. (I will definitely be painting my walls this week. All the little hand prints and 'artwork' has been driving me a little batty. lol)
Summer with the grandparents. Not only it awesome because the girls get to spend time with them, but Mister & I get some much needed alone time.
Adult time.
Husband and Wife time.
We get to spend a few weeks as only Husband & Wife.
Something I believe EVERY married couple, especially those with kids, needs.
Children are blessings, indeed, but they also tend to overshadow the opportunities that parents need to enjoy each other fully. Mom & Dad are always going to put their children before anything and anyone, even themselves. Raising children is a difficult task. It is time and energy consuming. It is emotionally taxing. It denies the parent his or her privacy, intimacy, and needs. The strain on the relationship can become enormous. It either completely breaks down – or is revived by the novel challenges and hardships. So as time goes by, we have to make sure to find ways to refresh.
This time alone, this summer, is very needed. Mister & I have been through a lot and for a while it seemed like the marriage was at a point that was irreparable. Scariest thing I can imagine.
I've heard the saying that marriage goes in cycles.
The cycle can be:
  • romance and infatuation: the giddy feelings, the time when public affection is a constant,  sex is high level activity, and you tend to overlook differences that could later be a problem
  • after the honeymoon: you tend to notice differences; it is here that you learn who your partner really is and how much you love them for who they are.
  • staking your territory: you discover differing values and opinions, and start to stake your territory and arguments will happen. This is sometimes the most difficult stage because it is a complete contrast from the first stage. Marriages that make it through this stage are often very strong ones.
  • evaluation: you begin to question how far you have come in the relationship and if you want to remain in it. 
  • reconnection: if you make it to this cycle, you are open minded enough to work with your partner towards making your marriage better and finding that which attracted you to each other in the first place once again. You have accepted each other as you are and you know that you continue on as a couple and as individuals.
  • commitment: this final cycle is the one we all wish to achieve. It is here that your marriage is the strongest and you know how to meet one another’s needs. And you cherish each other and all of the faults that make you who you are.
Right now, we are at the reconnection stage. This is not our first time, either. Like I said before, we've been through this cycle many times during our marriage. I look forward to the growth that I know we are capable of.
So we'll be fully implementing these tips to reach the next stage:
1. Open Lines of Communication.
2. Evaluating ourselves so that we understand what we want out of and for this marriage.
3. Keeping it interesting and not letting boredom set in.
4. "Me" Time to refresh for one another.
August 9 marks our 8th year of marriage. I want to believe that this 8th year will be the best one. I have this thing with numbers and their powers and because our anniversary reads 8/9/10 this year, I am giddy with excitement to know what's in store for us.

Enjoy the first week of the last month of summer.

*Happy birthday to my nephew today.*

Oh, and welcome to my new followers. I know it's not many but I appreciate you all for taking the time to read my ramblings on. :)


    No comments:

    Blog Buddies

    Most Read....