Jun 5, 2008

A True Friend.....

best friends

Do you throw the words "best friend" around loosely?
Do you have more than one "best friend"?
What makes your best friend your best friend?
Is it because you can tell them anything, and they can confide in you their deepest, darkest, innermost secrets?
Because they are there for you when you need them, no matter what, no questions asked?

I ask because I wonder what would happen if I were to tell a very good friend that her boyfriend is unfaithful to her. How would she react? Would I become the friend who tells and suddenly become the bad guy after the significant other convinces her that her friend is lying on him, that her friend is just jealous, lonely, needs to have her single and miserable like she is? *Yes, it's happened*. And then instead of the best friend taking what was told to her and further investigating, she decides to disassociate herself from her long time friend because she's "in love".

I have very few friends....plenty of good associates, but very few I can call GOOD FRIENDS.
Reason number 234:
A long time ago I had a 'best friend' who was so very in love with this guy. She swore to the heavens that he was the perfect one for her and they would be married and have 2.5 kids, a dog, a house, and the white picket fence. Every look from her to him was filled with such adoration. I envied the love they had. They were the perfect couple........together.
I later found out that, by himself, or with his boys, he was the complete opposite of what I'd see when he was with her. I'd seen him out and about with an unknown female, holding, kissing, grabbing on her the way he would my friend. If I didnt know him, I would think that him and this other female were a couple. Way too familiar with each other to be something new. This was not a one time sighting either. I'd seen him in many places, although he never seemed to see me *tsk tsk*. So after the 4th time, I decided that was it. I can't let my best friend go on thinking that she is the only one. I'll be damned.
So I told her. She went through the motions: sad, mad, confused, curious. She wanted to find out for herself. She asked him, and he DENIED, DENIED, DENIED. Called me every name but the child of God, and told my best friend that I should mind my business because I'm nothing but a liar, and that I was bitter because I had been cheated on a while back. Would you believe she wiped the tears from her face, drove to my house, and told me that we should take some time apart from each other, and that she wanted to focus on just her and him. I haven't seen or heard from her in almost 11 years.
Feelings? Hurt? YES!

Lesson learned.

But then I wonder now, years later, would it make me a terrible friend if I had kept the information in and just witnessed what was going on? To watch my friend give everything she had to this man who had been seen with another woman, even had mutual friends "cover" for him when she couldnt seem to find him? To look her straight in her face and agree on how good of a man he seems to be....

I've told my friends I would want to know. If my friend came to me and said she was concerned that my significant other is being unfaithful, I'd take heed. I'd find out. And if it later turned out that she was wrong, fine. At least I know she was looking out for my best interest and happiness. I'd honestly would hate for my friends to sit in my face and keep that from me.

But I've heard and read so many opinions how it's best to not say anything to a friend about things as such. For no other reason than to avoid being the bad guy later. Call me stupid but I'd rather have my friend realize later that I would only say anything because I love her as a true friend should.

I guess everyone has their own ideals and perception on the whole thing. I expect that. But for this one, I just cant see the point. I just dont get it.


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