May 6, 2008

She Said: Maybe It Wasnt Supposed To Be

She said:

I loved Him so very much. There was nothing I wouldnt do for Him.

We met and it was love at first sight. He took me places I'd never dreamed of, showed me things I never knew were possible. Things moved faster than I was used to, but it felt so right. So I just went with it. I didnt want The One to get away from me because I was being too cautious.

A year went by and He asked me to marry Him. I, without hesitation, said yes. We cried, hugged, and kissed for the rest of the night. It was romantic-movie perfect. There was nothing else I cared about.

The wedding was small and intimate. A few family members and friends. Nothing too extravagant, because that's not what we're into.

The honeymoon.....well, I'll just keep that to myself. You dont need to know EVERYTHING!

The first year was great. Alot of people say the first year is the hardest, but we breezed through it. We were happy together with each other. And I loved it and I wanted it to be that way for the rest of my life.

But as days change, so do people. And, now that I look back on it, I'm not even sure He changed. I believe maybe He disguised.

No sooner had I come to the conclusion that I was ready to bear His children had I found out that the Ex was calling while I was at work. It was that one time she called on my day off and I answered the phone. But even then, I said nothing. I even passed Him the phone. After all, wouldn't it just be insecurity if I got upset and told Him that He shouldn't have female friends? Well that's what I was told. lol Yeah.

Months go by. Things are still good. No sooner had I found out I was pregnant, did I find out that He was going out to lunch dates with female friends I had no clue existed. The lunch dates probably wouldn't have been a problem had I known these 'friends'.

Eight years go by. No sooner had I thought that we were never going to be able to be any happier with our new baby boy and the new puppy I bought Him on Father's Day, did I find an email declaring 'how much she misses spending time with Him, and hates that He won't leave His wife to be with Her. That she was a much better woman for Him that I could ever be. That she could do things for Him that no other woman would ever do and He should realize that after all the time they've spent together. That she hates being the Other Woman'. So now after going over it in my head I decide to confront Him. And instead of giving me an explanation and apology, or SOMETHING, He tells me that maybe I shouldn't be going through His things!

I was livid. After 10 years together, I would kind of expect for some serious issue to come up in our marriage but I also expected for us to be able to work on them together. To fix whatever may be wrong. But at that exact point, I told myself, what more do I need? Do I honestly want a false apology or some baloney explanation? If my gut told me something was wrong, shouldn't I had confronted it years ago instead of turning a blind eye to the whole situation, instead of dragging out eight years of marriage to a man who probably wasnt really ready to settle down anyway? Was I dumb for holding on that long or was He just smarter than me?

Needless to say, we are no longer together. That night, I packed every piece of clothing I could fit into mine and my son's suitcases, and left. Far away. We dont speak unless it's about Him seeing His son. I will give Him that much - He is a great our and his 3 other kids, who are only a few months older and younger than my son!

Maybe it wasn't supposed to be. Love had me ready to jump in feet first and I forgot to bring my alot was 'unseen'.

I live now happy...........and for me.

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