"Ode to Isaac"
originally written 12/05/02
There was a time when I hated to have to wake up and face the world,
dreading to think of all the thoughts in people's minds that laughed at my rail-thin legs,
or my dark skin, or my 'less than average' frame. I'd hide myself from the crowd, making few
friends, scared that if I made any they would only plot to tell my inner most secrets to the world.
There was a time when I thought anybody interested in me was forming a secret plan to destroy
whatever I held dear. Once, I let someone close enough to get to know the "inner me" and thought I was in love. Here was someone who thought this thin, black girl was beautiful. But it only ended in tears. That's when I closed the bottle, sealed it tight with a tamperproof seal, and became a heartless bitch. Might as well go for mine. Fuck what the world says.
Stayed out late, clubbing, drinking. The world was my oyster and I was the pearl. Made some friends who felt the same, who knew exactly how I felt and we played the game. Man here, man there. But not enough game to make me fall in love.
Then there came a time that snuck up on me. Here I am a mother. A beautiful girl to slow me down and make me see that game ain't all it seems to be. Poor excuse for a man as a "sperm donor" who basically gave up and in his own way disowned her. Fuck him! I got this. Who needs man anyway? Always calling and checking to see where you're at. Getting crazy and jealous over you and whatever you do. Yeah, who needs that?.......
Shit..I do. And guess what? As soon as I thought I might as well give up hope, God sent me one of his angels who loves me and my baby. Even had the mind and strength to make me his wife. Damn, ain't this nice? Someone wants me for the rest of their life. And to think - he accepts this emotionally battered, self-abused, less than average black girl. It can't get any better than that. And what makes it so perfect is I love my husband more than life itself. Wouldn't trade him in for anything else. God must have felt sorry for me or truly saw exactly what I needed. Either way, I'm thankful beyond belief.
Yeah there was a time I hated to wake up and face the world. But not anymore, because I have the most precious gifts- my God-sent husband and my beautiful baby girls.