May 30, 2010

Lie To Me

I realized that I must have a permanent sign on my forehead and blinking sign on my shirts every day that says "Lie To Me".
I sat and thought about it and came to see that every person I have ever come to call a "friend" has lied to me. And not just little lies but lifetime lies. Lies that if never questioned would forever be put off as the truth.
After going through a list of people I love and trust I've come down to less than three people who have not lied to me. That's sad, huh?
Examples, you ask? Sure.
Almost every person I've met here in New Jersey, who I'd come to call friends, has lied to me.
Here I was, naive, thinking that people actually came around because they liked being around. Only to finally realize that the free food and drinks and a place to sleep if you get too drunk was the real motivation. As the years go by, I notice the list gets shorter and shorter of the people I can tolerate for more than a few minutes.
Then there were those who were around for deceitful reasons. Whether it be to get closer to someone close to me or to be 'in my business' firsthand. There were those who would watch my every move so they could report to someone else about what I'm doing. And yeah, there were even females who were around for the sole purpose of being around my significant other. Yeah, I saw the flirtatious and inappropriate behaviors. Does that make me the dummy for not saying anything to the females? I like to tell myself that it doesnt because the behavior was not
But I guess I fed into the lies by not speaking up about what I know. They say silence is golden but every now and then the best thing to do is say what's on your mind and what you know.
Then there have been the men in my life. From high school to the year before I got married. EVERY man was with me either for sex or the pursuit thereof. Dare I say that I'm most positive that I knew more about the men I was involved with than they cared to know about me. Favorite color, favorite food, little quirks. More than sure things like these about me were unknown to them.
Deep lies.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you and have a happy family."...only to find out he intended and DID marry someone else before he even got to say it to my face.
"I love you and everything you are. I love being with you. You are the only one for me."...only to find out he was with another girl the whole three years we were together.
My husband, my mother, my brothers, my cousins, my 'best friends', my online associates......
Even little people lie to me.
My children lie to me EVERY day. Little things are lied about by little people. *smh*
I can only take comfort in the fact that the only person who has NEVER lied to me is my father.
Try as I may, I cannot think of a single time that my father has lied to me. Not even about Santa Claus. lol I've never heard my father say anything about Santa Claus.
Even though that brings a little satisfaction, it also makes me sad to know that somehow everyone who meets me feels the need to lie to me. Why?
Do I look like the kind of person who cant take honesty; who doesnt want to be told the truth no matter what; who needs the 'pampering'?
What about me makes everyone LIE TO ME?
It's frustrating. It's irritating. It makes me ill. It makes me a bit crazy. It hurts.
I guess honesty is one of those things that no longer matters to alot of people.
Except the ones that get lied to......

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